Over Time

Hello, again, dear friends.

Six years have passed since last I logged on to my website. In truth, the thought of a return was never one I put first in my list of priorities on any given day. In truth, I was content to let any and all memory of this site languish until forgotten. Something distant I’d look back on like a dust covered yearbook, spine uncracked, contents remembered and then promptly forgotten after a glance.

I was going through my expenses and one of my line items was the domain to this website. I’d visited the URL and logged in. Suddenly, I was reading my posts. An odd thing that this string of events should happen just as I’m starting to revive the small fire of my creative life. It’s been a while…and do you want to know something? I’ve learned a few things.

First thing is this: doubt has real power. It can freeze you in time and stop your life. It can cripple your risk taking abilities. It can convince you that you’re not worthy of the dreams that you dream. It can steal a life from you. A life that could have been far more amazing than you ever dreamed. André Aciman wrote:

“Time is always the price we pay for the unlived life.”

I find this to be true.

Here is another truth. It is never too late. Around you are success stories of people who accomplished things later in life. There is no timeline to resilience. The writers who became published authors are the ones who kept going. By the way - a little necessary distinction here - if you’ve written anything then you are an author. By virtue of the very definition. My discussion here is a dream of publishing (whether independently or traditionally).

One of my biggest obstacles in my slow, painstaking career up to this point has been my heavy consideration of the opinion of others. I had always wanted the stamp of approval of a traditional publishing house. I had something to prove to family and friends. I realized then that my actions up to now have generally been more in service of getting approval than it was to create.

I’ve recently discovered an author who writes fiction with erotic themes and publishes it through kindle. Many may look down their noses at such an author but the biography at the end of each novel gives their mainstream nom de plume. This opened my eyes to a few things. Mainly that the only obstacles in my way to publishing are the ones that I put there. Success means different things to different people. The one measuring stick you should never disregard is your own. The voice you should never stop listening to is the one inside of you. Things don’t always have to look the way you thought they “should.” And, there are many paths to the same destination.

So, I have a new plan. My new plan is just to write. I haven’t had a daily writing habit perhaps ever in my life. Maybe that’s a little too ambitious but I think I need to try something I never have in order to get somewhere I’ve never been. The beauty of growing over time is knowing that adjustments are part of the journey. They’re normal. So normal. Nothing ever stays the same and we have to adapt to that reality.

In my very last blog post titled ‘Creating Opportunities,’ I wrote this:

Even as I write blog posts about being your own agent, and, marketing existing through the life of a book versus a defined period, I still must face the reminder that there is one other thing you need to be successful. Patience. 

I want to add to that. Another ingredient for success. Persistence.

I think that when the most successful authors who got their work out into the world look back, they realize that over the long journey of their careers, it didn’t necessarily matter so much that they failed at first. It was all a part of the long arc on their path forward to success.

So. Some gentle reminders for myself (maybe you might need to hear some of this too, I don’t know).

Hey. It’s okay. Take your time. There are no rules. It’s all made up. If you love it, then it means something. If you love doing it that’s all that will matter when it’s over. Be gentle with yourself. Keep going; and its okay to take a break when you need. You are not worth any less for trying. The best way to regret nothing is to be brave with your heart. Oh yeah, one more thing. I love you. Falling and needing to get back up will not change that.

Thanks for reading folks. Stay tuned.

Grey