Keep On

It's now June of 2017. I initially put my debut novel, Vein Bound, out onto public channels in late September of 2016. It's so strange to think that it's been almost one full year since people have been able to view or buy the book. 

By the time late September had rolled around last year I had gone through numerous edits, a second half re-write, and then even more edits. I'd sent it off to an editor friend of mine, Lucy Quin, whom (by the way) is a sweetheart. She gave me feedback but not line edits. She was fair but not in depth. 

The truth of the matter was, the book needed work. Not just basic work, either. I'd played around with structure, prose, and entire scenes. Last September I thought I'd put out the book that I meant to write. 

Fast forward to 2017. It's now been almost a year and sales have not been great. Buzz is minimal. This is not the course you want your debut novel taking. I had (foolish but common) dreams of being the next big thing. The next J.K. Rowling. The next blockbuster hit. 

When time moved on and I realized none of this had happened, I let the book drift out there in hopes that time would make it so. It did not.

Around twenty days ago, as I was beginning final edits for the paperback debut, I had a few writer friends read over the sample chapters given and then provide notes. They were extensive, and not necessarily the kinds of things you want to hear about a novel that you've worked on for years and had spent nearly one year on the market already. 

I was embarrassed. 

I had now seen the kind of work that needed to be done to the book but it had already been out there. People had already spent money on this thing!! My writing was a little clunky, my phrasing could have been better. I spent too much time elaborating on things that my reader didn't need to know, and not enough time bringing action to scenes. There was a mother-load of an information dump, which I'd somehow thought was okay before. 

The truth was that in September I was tired. I thought I'd worked long enough and hard enough on this book and that if it wasn't up to par by then, it never would be. In some ways I was right. Why had it taken me so long to get structure and line edits down? Why had it taken me so long to compose this manuscript into something coherent and engaging? 

The answer was hard. I thought it was already good enough and I wasn't willing to listen to any inner critiques that may have said the same thing. I thought it was just the nagging doubt that plagues every author. It wasn't. 

Here's something you need to know: if you're not completely satisfied with the book you put out, your reader won't be either. It's not going to be perfect, as I stated in my last blog post, but it can be the best version you can make of something. Trust your gut. I cannot stress this enough. Write for an audience of one -- you -- and then listen to that audience member's feedback. It's crucial. 

Another important thing is to have writer friends. Family members and other friends may be well meaning. They may even put some feedback into terms that other readers would likely express. But comments like, 'I really liked it,' or 'it was interesting' however nice are, at the end of the day, not the kind of commentary you need. 

Having someone in the craft and business who can look over it and talk in writer terms is important. Crucial, even. These don't even have to be anyone that you know in real life or strangers that you go to a workshop with. There are some great writing resources out there that allow writers to connect and critique. Even social media platforms like Tumblr will allow comments on posts, and writers that I know have flocked to the platform. 

It has been a long, arduous road for me. Guess what? It is also not over. 

I wrote not long ago about making small steps. I wrote about how marketing your book is something that happens for the entire life of your book. It does not end because you've put the finishing touches on a manuscript and found a way to distribute it. 

Fortunately for me, I cut my book down by thousands of words (comprising unnecessary scenes or prose) and found better ways to phrase things. I have given an attentive eye to structure. I have written the book that I would love to pick up and revisit over and over. 

Editing, like life, is a process. I recently tweeted the following -- "On editing: Get to the point. Cut everything else." I can think of no greater lesson in editing and few as great in life. Cut through the inner turmoil; cut through the stories you tell yourself about certain things. Transformation happens when we are brutally honest with ourselves. Often, we already know what needs to be done in order to make crucial change. 

I have made so many changes not only to the manuscript, but continued changes to the website, and now I feel ready. Ready to charge forth, embrace the world with what I've written. I feel ready to stand up for my work and say, 'This is worth reading.' And then? Take the actions that echo this feeling. Action is paramount. You cannot be stagnant and expect your writing or your career to advance. 

I am on a journey in my life. From start to finish, while editing this book, I have learned a great many things. About craft and style. About technique. About trust. About the process as a whole. I sit here and think to myself what might've become of this book or my career if I had simply let things languish as they were, running on hope alone. I would've failed. 

My greatest advice is this: keep on. It is hard, it is arduous. You will have many critics, both in and outside yourself. You have to believe in yourself when no one else does. Otherwise you will not be able to go on. That would truly be a shame.

It is the trying that matters. The trying and the not giving up. 

Keep on.

Grey